Busted Aviation Myths #2: Otto is My Copilot




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Otto is my Copilot

MYTH:  

“That’s a pretty hi tech autopilot ya got there!  I mean, those things practically fly themselves, right?!”

MYTH BUST:

Uh, only if you call the cruise control in your car the Designated Driver.
Otto’s 2D 1st Cousin
Autopilots are extremely sophisticated.  They can fly from here to TOM (Timbuktu) with uncanny precision, nailing every waypoint within seconds of the programmed time, inches of the programmed altitude, and even land in zero/zero visibility.
Just like a robot vacuum cleaner, which you can program to traverse every inch of your carpet. But don’t dare move the furniture!
The real McCoy: the A320 FCU
(Flight Control Unit)
 Photo courtesy of b.heidema’s photostream at http://www.flickr.com/photos/bheidema/

Same with Otto.  For all its bells and whistles, the most sophisticated autopilot in the world doesn’t know when to push back from the gate.  Or start the engines.  Order more fuel when the weather’s looking iffy.  Or even how to miss another plane, building or thunderstorm.
Can your cruise control decide when to stop for a yellow light?
The autopilot is a computer.  A tool.  It does what you tell it to do, nothing more.
It processes, but it doesn’t think.
Busted!

Corollary Myth: 
Oh, and that whole Myth about highly automated cockpits degrading the pilots’ ability to fly?
Again, another Q:  does your car’s cruise control degrade your driving skills?
Thought not.
Busted!

Captain Arrogant D’bag–er, Alec Baldwin!


MYTH:
(reader-submitted): “While I think Alec Baldwin was an arrogant d’bag for rudely disobeying a flight attendant’s orders to shut his phone off*, I kinda agree that, c’mon, it’s not gonna bring down the plane, right?!”



MYTH BUST (sorta):


No, your single iPhone, Kindle or PSP will (probably) not affect your flight.  But just think about 100 passengers all playing Words With Friends on their phones inflight.  And while you may be operating your Razor in “Airplane mode,” the guy next to you may have forgotten to shut his off.
Modern aircraft have sensitive electronic systems located throughout the plane, including (but not limited to) GPS, inertial guidance, VOR/DME/ILS, and other navigation and communication devices.   While there certainly is some shielding from electronic interference, there simply has not been enough testing of each plane under every condition.  Therefore, to err on the side of safety, the FAA has issued a blanket restriction on electronic devices during critical phases of flight (ie, below 10,000 feet.)

Take heart, though: if you don’t like today’s rule, just like the weather, it’s guaranteed to change!  As for the inflight phones and other electronic entertainment systems on your aircraft, they have been tested for that particular aircraft.
And please, be civil and obey the flight attendants’ wishes in these matters.  Their job is to enforce the rules, not make them!  And if they were to let you slide, they themselves could be fined!


Personally, I have been flying during the final game of the World Series and noticed significant nav anomalies, as passengers secretly listened to their AM radios.  I had to make several PA’s and finally threatened to divert and arrest the perps to get the interference to stop!  (As a compromise, ATC relayed scores to us, which we passed onto the pax!)
Sorta Busted!

Girl, don’t touch that dial!

MYTH:
(reader-submitted): “I’ve been wondering, can a guy really sneak up through the landing gear and into the cabin like they always do in Hollywood movies?” – Bon
MYTH BUST:
Grrr, Hollywood make Cap’n very angry!   No, no, no, no, NO!  You simply can’t do half the shenanigans Hollywood whips up to bedazzle and anesthetize with their opiate of the masses!  (Sorry, but when it comes to Cap’n’s “willing suspension of disbelief,” during airplane scenes, Hollywood’s on a very short leash!)

If one were moronic enough to crawl up into the gear well of a departing airplane (and it’s certainly been done several times**,) if the gear don’t crush you when it’s retracted, the prolonged cruise in subzero temps at umpteen thousand feet (read: NO OXYGEN) will!

“Owl Be Back!  After knifing my way through the cabin floor, crawling down the still-extended landing gear, and gently dropping to a convenient swamp only a few yards below the plane while it’s taking off…”
UH – NOTTTTTT!!!!
What’s more, the cabin of a modern airliner, as mentioned in our last myth-busting blog, is a near-hermetically sealed pressurized metal tube.  Once L1 is locked (front left boarding door), nothing short of Chuck Norris – whom we all know can do any damn thing he pleases – can get in our out.  Not even the Governator!***


*See Alec Baldwin Booted from American Airlines flight.


**Interesting Stowaway factoids: 

  • In 1928, 19 year-old Clarance Terhune became the first successful stowaway to cross the ocean when he snuck aboard the Graf Zepplin airship.
  • Our most recent landing gear stowaway tragedy that made headlines happened in Massachusetts in  November, 2010.
  • Miracles do happen: one guy, one time, actually survived!  (Cap’n still can’t figure this one out!!)


***See more Hollywood airplane myths busted at Humorcall.com


POSTING 5/18:
“The Girl, the Sold Watch, and Everything”
A Thailand Adventure!